Turning 30: eight lessons for my younger self

You simply cannot please everyone. So stop people pleasing. Just do you

While it comes from a place most could empathize with, constant people pleasing only results in playing small and feeling drained. It’s a fear-based characteristic that hinders the ability to speak and live your truth. It’s ridden in insecurity and fear of abandonment, and once you realize that it is impossible to please everybody, you will feel empowered by simply doing you.

Accept pain and hardships as opportunities to grow.

Every time you overcome something, no matter how small or monumental, it will allow you to become stronger with a more resilient shield. One day you’ll look back on events like heartbreak, bullying, sickness and fear with appreciation. A wall of coping mechanisms will develop into the foundation necessary to thrive through hard situations. Every dead end or rerouted path is only guiding you to the road you were intended to live. Remember that it is ok to feel and live out the full range of human emotions. Death of loved ones, separation of family, loss of a job; be brave through these times regardless of how much it hurts, and know that there is always a silver lining no matter how confusing. Remember that sadness, challenges, and agonizing obstacles, more often than not, are only a calling for monumental growth.

You don’t have to believe everything you think.

 “You’re your own worst critic”, they say. But how about turning that critic into a #1 fan? How many times have you looked in the mirror with a shameful internal dialogue? Made negative assumptions about your action or inaction towards something or someone that turned out to be false? Worried too much about others opinions of you, while not even caring about your own? With mindfulness, gratitude, and a willingness to shift negative thinking patterns into positive affirmations, you will soon find it is possible to change the way you think, and start believing it, too. You will start to feel better, because you will know you are already enough, regardless of anyone’s standards, expectations or points of view.

Set your goals high and your patience ever higher

You will become inspired by many people, places and things, dedicated to whatever you put your mind to, but you will also become let down when your efforts and expectations don’t lead to what you had hoped. Learn to appreciate the small achievements and the skillset that you have developed. Your hard work and perseverance will take you to exactly where you need to be, when the time is right.

Keep your circle large and your tribe small

Know the difference between maintaining a large circle of acquaintances, and a more personal circle of friendships. There is great value in knowing lots of people and being able to network for both social and business purposes, but never confuse those relationships as friendships, the sacred family that you choose. Your tribe should remain small and also evolve as you grow into new phases of your life.

Health is wealth

It doesn’t matter if you’re successful, popular or have all the money in the world. If you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything. Continue to invest your time, finances and all your decisions into that notion, and into feeling good from the inside out. Health and wellness should be a part of your every day lifestyle, and that starts with the fundamental basics: eating a well-balanced diet, making sleep a priority, and working out regularly because it’s amazing for mental health. Invest in essential supplements, eat your leafy greens, meditate, and say no to things-and people-that make you feel like shit.

Nostalgia allows for meaningful perspective.

A sentimental longing or wistful affection for a period in the past. Allow those moments to set you free. The smell of fresh cut grass in the coming of spring or barbecues in the transition of summer. That certain area in your hometown, or a song that can bring you back to a time when things were easier, or at least a time you can recollect and gauge as a reference point to where you’ve come now. When you sense these whimsical moments, hold onto them, or even go searching for them, as subtle reminders of your past that will bring you a feel-good perspective of how far you’ve come.

Happiness comes from within, and is fuelled by gratitude

To be grateful is to have an appreciative view on seeing the glass half full. Gratitude doesn’t always come easily into mind, and therefore you must learn to train yourself to see the good in every situation and enjoy every moment. Gratitude turns what we have, into enough. Happiness cannot be traveled to or owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.

Photo by Lara Marie Photography

Bouquet by Bespoke Blossoms