We’re having twins!
“There’s two!” Hudson shouted while resting his head on my then-pregnant belly of 7 weeks. The idea of having twins always crossed our minds as something fascinating that happened to other people, but of course wouldn’t actually happen to us. All the while though, the morning (or, more like entire day) of sickness was far worse this time. I kept scratching my head questioning, was it really this bad with Hudson? After all, my first pregnancy was nearly 5 years ago now- could I just be getting older and less resilient? But no. It absolutely was exceptionally worse and still hasn’t subsided now at 14+ weeks. I’ve just gotten used to this constant feeling of malaise, exhaustion, gauging and being repulsed by mostly anything of good nutritional value.
So that was my first sign. A hunch I had that it could be twins, and of course when Hudson proclaimed such a confident statement I thought about it some more. But it wasn’t until that fateful day for an ultrasound that my reality took a sharp turn in another direction. It was news that hit me like a Christmas freight train loaded with equal parts excitement and terror.
When the technician first began the scan, I saw in my peripheral something I had never before. There were two circles on the monitor. She quickly turned the screen away though, and I was left to wait and ponder what that was all about.
“Is this your first scan?” she asked, taking unusually long to photograph everything.
“Yes” I replied anxiously, and of course assuming the worst. “Do you see anything there?”
“I do.. everything looks good so far. I’ll tell you in a second why it’s taking me a bit longer.” She continued to click away and I could tell she was trying to mask a delighted expression.
“There’s two”, she said turning the monitor back towards me with a smile.
Hudson was right after all.
Time stood still, my face filled with disbelief and I screamed “NO. WAY!”
“Can you please go get dad”, I asked with hands trembling and tears of shock streaming down my face. Mitch was in the other room because this particular lab has partners wait outside until after the scan is complete. He came in without a clue to the news, while I remained in my state of shock and just reached out for him. “It’s twins!” she said. “Fraternal, DiDi twins”
I will be forever grateful for how calm, composed and overjoyed Mitch has been. I really didn’t think he’d react that way. He’s been my rock of support, optimism and positivity since we found out. “Doesn’t this just make you want to rise to the occasion even more?” he asked me.
Rising to the occasion is one way to look at it, but admittedly I’m terrified of the inevitable chaos all the same. Terrified we’ll unravel as parents, as humans, and that we’ll completely lose sight of each other in the process. Having a nearly 4-year-old son already, Mitch and I have grown immensely as a couple. We seem to have finally found a rhythm as a team and as a family, too.
Having Hudson is our greatest accomplishment, but he alone is already a full time job. We continue to do our best to manage and compromise on daily duties all while both working full time. I can’t even begin to comprehend how we will incorporate two more babies into the mix at once, but we’ve made a promise to do whatever it takes to keep our family going and make room for double the love in our hearts.
It used to make me sad that Hudson didn’t have a sibling closer in age to play with, but I can’t tell you how happy I am now about the age gap. Hudson is getting so independent and is thrilled about two new best friends coming home with us soon. Sometimes he’ll put his head on my belly and say “hi babies, I love you”. It melts my heart to know what an amazing big brother and helper he will be, and soon enough he’ll be off to kindergarten!
Being an only child myself, I’ve never known the dynamics of having a sibling so this leap from one to three is taking me some time to process. I have sporadic feelings of panic, doubt and uncertainty that I imagine will continue to come and go as time goes on. Nevertheless though, through prayer, meditation and the strength of our family and friends I find hope, courage and the inspiration to press on with a positive big picture in mind. A wise friend once recently told me to hold the vision, and trust the process.
I envision a family of five in an (often chaotic) home, and that’s okay because it’s filled with love. I trust that every moment of life is unfolding the exact way it should. The days will be long and the years will be short. I know it won’t be easy, but it most certainly will all be worth it.
Love,
Momma Mills
Photography by Luke Liable
